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We
had a marriage that was blessed by God in all ways, and acknowledged Jesus
Christ as the head. That is for formula for success in everything, and
even though we didn't know each other for a long time before, God knew that we
were to be together and everything came so naturally.
We were so much alike, people would kid us. And we flirted a lot
between us, so much so that the "flirty eyes" were noticed by our
nieces! But romance, in the form of little notes and cards, were one thing
we shared, and it always gave me a thrill to see her face when I gave her a
card.
We traveled a lot in the first ten years, to Florida, to New York and Pennsylvania, Ohio and Michigan. But New England was where we spent most of out time.
I changed jobs in 1983 and began working for a private telephone company as a sales engineer and voice and data expert. But I still worked for Save-Rite as a consultant for eight more years.
Joann worked at Save-Rite for only a little while longer. She didn't have to work, but while she did, I did the cooking for supper as I got home before her. She would always make a big deal about my cooking. She landed at a jewelry store to work and stayed there for a few years.
In 1985, Joann's mom passed away. This was the first time I had really experienced death so close to me. Her family was like mine, and still is today. Anna is missed and with the Lord. It was tough on Joann and her sister. We didn't know at that time what had made her so sick, we just knew it as cancer.
1989 saw the death of my father. I hadn't kept in touch with him so
much, but when he was laid off from his job in Texas, he seemed to fall
apart. The toll of his marriages, his cigarette smoking and the loss of a
job made him smoke more, and it was that that killed him. I never told him
how much the smoke bothered me, and I read that smoking in the home can promote
asthma in children, and I had trouble with that until my early twenties.
He died in Massachusetts.
For our anniversary in 1991, Joann and I wrote a little story to each other, challenged to write about our meeting in a certain writing style. She chose a romantic novel, and so did I. My story to her is here, as she kept it all these years.
In 1991, another major change took place. Our son Andrew arrived,
adopted by us and taken home at just three weeks of age. Andy was the joy
of her life, and if there was any mother who would smother her infant with
kisses, Joann (and her sister) could do more. He was pretty smart,
too. We took the parenting duties and shared all of the joys, like waking
up twice in the middle of then night to change diapers. It was a wonderful
time in our lives.
Fast forward to April, 1997. Joann complains of a sensation in her right side. We prayed about it, and took her to several doctors, all of whom said that they thought it was a muscle strain. But the medicine didn't help it, and the sensation began turning into a dull pain.
We went through the summer, seeing how Andy as a five year old was growing so fast. We planned on going away the last weekend in August, Labor Day weekend, and Joann wanted to visit her doctor one more time. I was with her. She became agitated with what he was telling her, and of course there hadn't been any tests or examinations till then. She told the doctor that something was wrong and that he needed to find out now what it was. He finally agreed to an MRI, which was taken on the Thursday before we left for New Hampshire. We were going to celebrate, as I was starting a new job after Labor day at BBN in Cambridge.
We had a great weekend, but upon returning to home, the answering machine was lit with 20 messages, most unusual as we might have only one or two usually. Joann knew before she played them, that it was the doctor with dreadful news.
Joann's story and testimony is here on southstation.org, and I just want to say a bit of what it was like during those last four and a half years.
Cancer is a terrible disease, everyone will agree with that, but it sometimes affects the people around the person with the cancer too. I am so thankful to the Lord that we managed pretty good during those times. The first hospital stay was surgery, followed by chemotherapy. I took a day out of work each time she went to the hospital or had a treatment, and I knew she was glad for me to be there. In the hospital, there were as many as fifty visitors and her private room looked crowded at times all the way out to the hallway. So many people loved Joann.
She had a fourteen month remission, and was back in the hospital in 1999 for an obstruction to her intestine, which turned out to be a large tumor pressing on her intestine. Three weeks in the hospital, another round of chemo and more prayer that she'd be healed.
I have to say that God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus were very prominent in her life as well as ours together. She never looked like a cancer patient, even after the horrible chemo treatments. She was generally well enough to go out, and perhaps go to the mall, while the other women at the center complained of constant vomiting and sleeping for days after chemo. I believe that God put His countenance on her face, so that people would have to ask why she didn't look like a cancer patient (except for the loss of her hair). She witnessed to them over and over again.
At this time I was working and was able to sometimes work from home, when she was feeling a bit more poorly. By the end of the 20th century, we prayed for a miracle. It was not to come just yet. There was some time without chemo, but by the end of 2000, she was back on what was the last drug she could use.
She was troubled with reflux, and that made it difficult to eat. The
downward slide began before Thanksgiving in 2000, and by February of the
following year, was not eating anything. She began to spend a lot more
time in bed, and was put on a portable IV pump.
A disastrous bout with the chemo prompted the doctor to have a gastric tube put in, to relieve the reflux pressure, but her body rejected any food. It was like she was allergic to the things she ate before. By June, she was in bed all of the time. She did leave the bed and we went to her best friend Cathy's son's wedding, but could not stay (picture at right.) Shortly after, I took a leave of absence to take care of her full time.
I was not alone in the care taking duties, Janice, her sister; Luanne and Lisa, her friends, and her father all were there day after day, and Donna, her friend stayed over night to help me if needed. She began to experience a lot of pain and was on morphine. At night, I would help her off the bed to use the bathroom, and soon, I had to carry her to a commode. My brain was filled with thoughts of her dying, but I prayed that she would live.
The last week of August, 2001, I met with her doctor, along with my brother in law and my father in law. He told me that she didn't have very long now. From that day, it was six days, six amazing days as she drifted in an out of consciousness, sometimes being so alert and sharp, but it all was her way of saying goodbye to everyone. Her last words were on Thursday night as we woke to get her to the commode. She turned to me and said, "I love you, my husband." Those words were the last, she went into a coma later that night and remained in that until she passed away in the late afternoon of August 26.
She had a marvelous crowd of people at her wake, and they all told me how Joann's life enriched theirs. We put a collection of pictures out in the hallway, and many people remarked on what a life Joann had. It was almost joyous that we all knew she was in Heaven with her Lord and Savior.
Life would never be the same again for me. She was my soulmate and my eternal love. However, God had other plans.